WITH A LIGHT HEART

Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I'm getting married. I'm tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear."

The other one says, "I'm getting divorced for the same reasons."

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The woman on the telephone enquired, "What time in the morning will the library open?"

"8.30. a.m." was the reply. "I'm sorry, but why are you calling in the middle of the night asking such a question? Are you that desperate to get something?"

"No," came the reply, "I'm desperate to get out."

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A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?"

Only one hand shot up. "OK, answer, Joan," said the teacher.

"'Unlawful' is when you do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle."

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The manager was scolding his peon. He said loudly and angrily: "You have spoken a lie! Do you know what we do to people who tell lies?"

The peon looked at him calmly and replied: "Yes, I know that you promote them as salesmen."